Welcome to 5 minutes Harry Podcast A Podcast by and with me, Coldmirror in which I will take 5 minutes each of the film Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone and will analyse and look at the smallest details discussing those details, flogging them to death and getting nostalgic. The film is about 150 minutes so if I divide that by 5 then we have around 30 podcasts. By the way I was inspired by Back to the Future Minute which is a podcast where the film Back to the Future is analyzed minute by minute and I thought “That´s cool I’ll do that too!” but I won’t do 150 podcasts episodes So I’ll take 5 minutes each and I think I will manage 30 episodes.
So that was the intro it won’t be so long next time and I do not even know how long this podcast is going to be or how long each episode is going to be but we’ll just see. It would be great if you could accompany me on this little nostalgic journey maybe while hearing this you’ll notice something new that you never noticed in the film and I hope you’ll be intrigued by some trivial facts like for example what is in fact a privet? The podcast is intended to remember to giggle and also to fall asleep because some people say they also listen to my audio plays when they go to bed many thanks.. So thats why this podcast is for those people who wanted to hear something from me and about Harry Potter Enjoy yourself! Our first few minutes in this podcast are starting with the logo of “Warner Brothers” and end with Dudley Dursley who gets his eyes covered by his mom Petunia You can ,while listening to the podcast, play the film yourself and watch the individual scenes with me but that’s not actually necessary because I’ll try to describe most of it very well And since I’m doing this in form of a video, I will put some stills >The video -which you’re watching right now 😀 < because we don’t wanna break any copyright laws.
Do we? Warner Brothers? right. And what a coincidence – because the first frame we see in the film is the Warner Brothers logo A small interesting note rearding that – right in the beginning you can see a line of houses in the reflection of the logo and that’s actually a picture of the studio area of Warner Brothers impressive After that we see an owl which is sitting on a street sign. on which it says: Privet Drive Privet Drive which was translated in German with ‘Ligusterweg’ So that you’ll hear it and think: How on earth did they translated that? Privet Drive to Liguster that’s a stupid name that can’t be right that must be a typo particularly because I first thought it would be Privat Drive so ‘Privatweg’ and then I actually looked up what ‘Privet’ really means and it just means ‘Liguster’. So what the heck is ‘Liguster’? I looked it up on Wikipedia and it is a hedgerow respectively a plant from the plant family of the olive in europe there is the common Privet also known as ‘Tintenbeerstrauch’ because it has little black berries – which are poisinous though but it’s planted as a decorative plant in gardens specifically as a hedge which you can clip to different forms So Privet Drive is in plain language just ‘Hedgestreet’ which sounds so ordinary and boring that it’s fits the Dursleys perfectly because they are very ordinary and boring too.
Which we’re gonna see soon Next, professor Albus Dumbledore makes his first appearence the viewer sees him for first time as he comes out of the fog from behind a row of 5 fake trees and he has some sort of “thing” in his hand what at the first glance seems to be the fanciest storm lighter of all time like the ones you have on New Year’s Eve when a fierce storm is raging and it’s freezing and you use it to light some firecracker but of course he doesn’t light any firecrackers but to everbody’s surprise there is no fire instead he absorbs the light of the street lamp later on in the Harry Potter films we get to know that this is a Deluminator. That has nothing to do with the Illuminati Illumintati means ‘the enlighted’ that’s latin Deluminator means ‘the delighter’ so it’s just an device which turns the light off. not to be confused with Illuminator which on one hand is the glowing display of a digital clock and on the other an expression for a target tracking radar used for anti-aircraft guns Great. Maybe you should know that.
And while Dumbledore absorbs the lights with his fancy storm lighter of the Illuminati we get a good first view of the street, the Privet Drive and it seems to be infinite and every damn house looks the same they have all the same bush on the same wall and all have the same windows on the same places of the house and although it is dark you can see that they all got the same colour and the same roof.
So here you can see the perspective of the Dursleys very well because they for heaven’s sake don’t want to be different since in this neighbourhood everything looks exactly the same and it would totally striking and ruin the street’s appearence if just one hedge would be 2 centimeters further left. And maybe they don’t want to be so bourgeois and forced “normal” but they need to be so because they’re afraid to stand out from the rest of this neighbourhood which is like the limbo of hell and everything is perfect but also totally monotonous and always the same so a Harry Potter who can do magic is just the worst ever and that leads to this extreme fear of the Dursleys to be different.
Now the perspective changes and you see a close up of Dumbledore absorbing the light and you have a good view of the front yards of the houses and you see that there is something different everyone has a little bird bath in the middle of their perfect lawn so that’s the only thing where a little bit of individuality is allowed and maybe it is like a status symbol in a world where everything is alike and you have the need to show how rich you are so someone has an old pillar with a little bowl on it as a bird bath and the neighbour on the other side has a well with a little roof so you do stand out a bit but just with your wealth.
And that’s seemingly allowed. Then we see Dumbledore again who has absorbed all the lights and he looks at a cat next to him the camera swings around and we see the shadow of the cat and Warner Brothers saved a huge amount of money by not using CGI to transform the cat into Professor McGonagall but simply her shadow instead and that of course has a dramaturgical purpose later, Professor McGonagall transforms into a cat in front of us and that has a funny and surprising impact so we shouldn’t see that already.
So yes, one good save Warner Brothers with this ‘just shadow transformation’ well saved. Dumby and McGonny are walking along the street and chat a bit and then Hagrid comes with his deafeningly loud, flying motorcycle and nobody in this calm street cares even though Dumbledore absorbed all the lights so they aren’t noticed Me as one of these neighbours, I would be totally surprised if suddenly bit by bit all the light would be turned off especially if you are used to *light pollution* I live in a city and I am used to the fact that it is never quite dark when you go to bed and then I visit my parents who live in the countryside in the middle of a forest and during the night it is pitch-dark! And starting from 18 o’clock the street lamps are turned off too and nobody is outside and nothing drives anymore and then you lie in your bed and can’t sleep and think “Where are the lights? Where are the blinking and flaring billboards which flash in all the rainbow colours?”.
So this street lamps needed to be off to avoid attracting attention but f***ing loud motorcycle in the middle of the night doesn’t bother anybody. Hagrid holds a little package and says “Sorry that could be somewhat broken I may have sat on it during the ride.” No wait this part comes later. And it is of course the little Harry Potter as a baby swathed in a towel. Dumbledore takes the baby and has the genius idea to lay it in front of the door of the Dursleys which, by the way, is well-lit by a lamp. He takes the effort to absorb all the lights of the street but this one stays lit! As if someone thought: the camera will stand here and the actors will stand over there you must be able to see them so f*** logic and the wish not to attract attention. and then they lie the baby in front of the door with a letter which is, again, adressed of the Dursleys in case the Dursleys forgot where they live and that’s it. Did they ring the bell? Did the baby lie there until the next morning? First of all, Harry’s parents died in the night of Halloween 1981 in the same night Hagrid got him Halloween the end of October and there he lies on the ground.
It’s probably freezing and wet and he’s swathed in an old kitchen towel! Did Vernon Dursleys woke up the next morning and nearly stepped on him as he went to work? Of course not! Because the 31 October 1981 was a Saturday! That means the little Harry lies there until the next morning on a Sunday Ey sh** who wakes up early on a Sunday? He lies there in the cold until noon! And McGonagall even warned, quote: “That is the worst kind of muggle you can imagine.” And Dumbledore was like:”Yeah but there the only relatives he has.” Ey what?! That’s just irresponsible sh** which Dumbledore does to Harry always and again and again during ALL the films! What would be if the family were some pedo and a crack hooking slut? “Yeah but they’re relatives.” Oh I see! Well then it’s ok! In a youth center or an orphanage like Voldemort Harry would have been safer than in front of the door in the middle of the night and with a totally crazy family.
Which we’re going to see soon. We see the scar of Harry Potter in close-up a lightning-scar. Which, if it would be upside down, would have looked like a sowolo rune a.k.a. the rune of the sun or the sig rune and it would have had National Socialist symbolic power so if you want to analyse that I would have said the artist of course wanted to say exactly that but we want to stay realistic apropos realistic I would have found it better if the lightning scar would have actually looked like a lightning with totally scared tissue and little branches spreading all over the forehead and I would associated that even more with a curse which scares you for life and everybody looks at you and at your forehead and say ‘Oh my god he is it right? The one with the lightning scar!’ instead of “haytetay (?) scritchy scratchy oh noo now I have a lightning on my forehead how baad!” But well they were probably influenced by the artwork from the first Harry Potter books and wanted to keep that for marketing and recognition reasons.
It was published as a childs book though and children instantly get scared when they see a scar or just a slightly dissatisfied facial expression so I can understand that. The scar flashes suddenly and we see the ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ logo in the sky and we hear loud thunderstorm! Got it? Because lightnings strikes! Harry Potter awakes now as a slightly older boy with the screaming of his aunt Petunia who is knocking insanely on his door which, how we see now, is part of cabinet under the stairs. Fun Fact!: While I was reading the books I never could imagine what a cabinet under the stairs was. I thought of a cupboard or wardrobe which someone just had put under the stairs so I thought “WTF? Why and how does he live there?” Until I got that you can just wall in the free space under the stairs and a room emerges. And I even had such a room under the stairs in my childhood but we never called it cabinet because it was a toilet! Yes we didn’t had a cabinet under the stairs we had a toilet under the stairs.
Just so you know. For this podcast we are already in the last minute but OMG there are so many details. So aunt Petunia is knocking insanely on the door it seems like a morning ritual, and she goes into the kitchen. But in the fraction of a second something is happening ,something really horrible and you hardly even notice, she opens a little lock on the door. Not only does Harry Potter not have a real room but rather just a stupid cabinet he is seemingly locked up in it during the night! How insane is that? And then she knocks on the door as if it was his fault not to get up! I think he is phisically not able to get up if he is locked up in a cabinet! And what happens if he needs to pee in the night? Does he pee in a bottle like those fat neckbeards who can’t get away from their computer? But let’s observe Harrys “room” (in quotation marks) in detail.
He lights his room with just such a thread which hangs from the ceiling and by the door just hangs a dustpan and a brush his pillow lies on the ground right next to a container for wall paint and next to that is the paint roller. In the shelf behind him lies his little glasses on a dusty shoe box. He has one book, one glass of water, a little wooden playhouse, an apple on a little plate, and a bowl full of fir cones. Wow! And staight above his head lies a little blue-white cuddly-toy and it looks a bit like a little lamb. So I want an essay and 10.000 pages of fanfiction on how Harry got this cuddly-toy. Harry puts on his glasses the shirt he is wearing is grey by the way and it’s completely frayed and old and full of holes and we suddenly hear a rumble it is his cousin Dudley who crazy like his mother stamps on the stairs to wake Harry up and all kinds of dust and probably poisinous asbestos trickle down on Harry.
Harry wants to leave the cabinet but Dudley nudges him in and we get a view on the rest of the cabinet. and it’s completely full of pipes and there is probably some loud heating unit which drones during the whole night so all in all it is just a complete sh**hole in which Harry has to live in . Moving on to the corridor: First of all is the scene on which Petunia knocks on the door and also in which Dudley nudges Harry filmed interestingly since the viewer is on the height of the seating surface of an armchair which is on the left of the scene. And it is a big ugly armchair and the camera is filming everything from a viewpoint barely underneath of it. Probably to accentuate Dudley’s fat ass which he sticks towards us and let it seem even bigger from this worm’s eye view or “armchair perspective”. Next to the armchair is a little table on which there is a telephone -remember that- and ornamental plates hang on the wall with a bronze side and a flower motive and the whole corridor literally cries out: An old grandma lives here! But we know of course that there’s just a fu**ing bourgeois family who lives here.
Harry goes from the cabinet to the kitchen with his totally frayed and oversized rags, he obviously does not wear these clothes because Harry Potter is set in the 90s when baggy pants and too big shirts were trendy, no these are the clothes which got too small for Dudley and his enormous butt doesn’t fit in them anymore. And we see that Harry’s belongings are all just junk and things the others didn’t need anymore. Poor child. The kitchen is completely crammed with all kinds of crap first of all Vernon Dursley, yeah he is part of all kinds of crap, Harry’s uncle ,who probably stamped on him sometime at noon on the earlier mentioned sunday on Halloween 1981, is sitting fat and ugly as he is at the breakfast table behind him is another telephone thats for particularly fat and lazy people who can’t even go around the corner to the corridor to get the other telephone no there needs to be another one next to the table.
There are pictures of Dudley everywhere like happy family all together just Harry is in no picture at all just Dudley’s fat mug. Dudley gets spoiled and cuddled and eventually he get his eyes covered by his mother while Harry is ordered to make the breakfast. And that’s it. That’s the end of the first episode of the podcast 5 minutes Harry podcast so I hope you enjoyed it you just endure 18 minutes of my jabbering about 5 minutes of the film. So when I make 30 podcasts and it goes on like this then we have about 540 minutes and that’s 9 hours jabbering.
So it’s your fault if you want to hear me so long and I’m up for it anyhow. Anyway I hope I hear from.. or you hear from me eh.. we all hear each other the next time, bye!.
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